I learnt about bdsm from a late friend. I do not have any real life experiences, other then what I did with a few of my past Masters/Doms on video chat.
Not all of them have a happy ending. From 2017 to 2023/24 I did not understand what I was doing or getting myself into, and yes most of you are probably saying "wow that long!"
I once had a protector and mentor in 2020. Let me tell you that vetting, even mentors and protectors are important, as my last one turned out to be a fake.
I've been through a lot of abusive and emotional dymanics, if any Dom/Master ever says 'you need to earn your limits, safeword or aftercare' take my word on it and run and dont look back, beccause no, you don't need to earn any of that they are your right to have, you do not need to earn that.
If a dom/master pushes any of your boundaries before you are ready, run because a true one will not push till you are ready to be pushed. A true dom/master will work with you when you are ready not becasue they want to show you they are in control.
Remember it's up to the sub how much cotrol the Dom has and yes, you may ask what if i give the Dom full control, this is what i will say, you can take most to all of it away at any given time, without reason, through without reason is cruel, it's better to have a reason then none. Just my opinion.
If you are new, research vetting, mentors, protector, limits, safeword and aftercare. Red flags of both doms and subs (yes there are fake subs too, but are harder to spot at times) but remember, ask them if they are new, because new ones could be under a fake Dom's guidance, and new Doms same with you. Don't go taking a slave on your first time joining, learn about what it is to be a Dom; ask for help everyone starts new and everyone makes mistakes.
Asking for help is not a weakness, it shows that you want to learn.